After getting divorced back on 2011, I started to do online dating. I was in Florida, it was 2012, and I quickly realized, date after date, that I was not having any luck. Every time I went out it seemed to end up in a horrible, traumatic, dramatic and sometimes, even hilarious experience. I could remember telling my friends I was having lots of fun, but it was not true; I was sometimes even going on 3 to 4 dates a week non-stop, seeking my true love but to what cost.
At that time in my life, I did not have any standards for men or for myself. I would go out simply with anyone. It didn’t matter their faith, their career, their physical appearance; nothing mattered. I was so desperate for someone’s attention, that I would place a price tag on my online profile pretty much inviting any man to my bed.
Today, I look at myself and all I can be is thankful to God that I am still alive; there were instances where I was reckless, meeting those men and following them to places where I knew they could’ve done anything to me and gotten away with it. One time I drove about an hour away from where I lived to meet a guy and he invited me to his place afterwards. It was a dark scary neighborhood; we walked behind a house where he claimed he lived, and then he took me inside a creepy bedroom. I was so scared I didn’t know how to leave that place. Finally after faking to be super into him and super sweet to him, I was able to leave. Next day a friend of his called me telling me the guy’s wife was pissed off and was trying to find whom I was. Wife? He was married? Oh my Lord!
Another time I met this very good-looking man who was former military (same as me) and we hit it off so well that I invited him to my place. We were so drunk that the next morning I didn’t remember what I did and what I did not do, I just knew there was no intercourse. I did remember well that he claimed not to have any STDs, that he had only been with his wife and was now divorced. A couple of days after this, he confessed to me that he had Herpes; I freaked out! I called my doctor to get a check up right away because I was unsure of how much I had done that night. Thank God we didn’t have any sexual intercourse, and all tests were negative.
Am I being too graphic? Sadly, this is nothing compared to what some women do out there hoping to find love through the sacrifice of their well-being.
Things have changed since 2012; now I am in NY and not only the crowds are different but also there appears to be a trend in online dating that I am calling “scam dating”. Back on 2014 when I had just moved to the city, I joined Match.com. After a couple of weeks a man sent me a message saying: “Did you know that there is another profile of you claiming to be 5’6” and a cheerleader and a bartender?” First of all, I am 5’8”, and I can’t cheerlead not even as a joke. I found the profile, which had copied all of my pictures and sent a message to whoever was pretending to be me. I asked kindly to please remove it, and I also contacted customer service. But this is nothing compared to other stories I’ve heard; there are women who are being contacted by men who pretend to be into them and then, they start asking them for money. Surprisingly, women do start sending these men money, hoping that they can one day meet and have a happily ever after.
After trying OK Cupid as well, I noticed that men from Morocco, Saudi Arabia, and India were sending me messages. I am not trying to be discriminative here, but I do wonder how many of these men are indeed looking for true love and why with women from NY? It sounds to me similar to those emails that many of us have received, claiming they have an inheritance in Africa worth millions and no one to give it too. Seriously?
What is so interesting today, 2016, is that I am not responding to these messages. Back on 2012 I would have been already trying to set up the date, but what is the difference between 2012 and 2016 in my life? Well, I have already found my true love and His name is Jesus. Although I do have in my heart the hope to one day meet the man He has for me, I have come to know who I am and what I want.
Standards do not mean that we are “picky”; they mean we value ourselves so much that we know what we are worth, and we know who is worthy of us. Now I know that the powerful source from which I obtain the purest and most unconditional love is God, and that no man can feed my heart like He does.
The truth is that we were created to be loved and to love, but our hearts were intentionally created to be receivers of the greatest love from the only source that can provide that type of love, and that is God. This realization has allowed me to be more aware and more careful with whom I even start an online conversation. This also has given me the discernment to detect the true intentions of a man who messages me. I am centered in the love I receive from God, and therefore I am not craving love from the wrong sources. I have become less susceptible to fall for anyone because I am no longer under a desperate attitude.
Another important question is: why should we give our bodies to someone who has not made a commitment to us or to our hearts? Love cannot be purchased with a good sexual encounter or money. A person who truly loves you will respect you and your body.
The message I want to send through this post is to be careful and to be alert; there are fake online profiles of men out there who have been designed to play with women’s hearts and desires, to manipulate them and take advantage of them. Be rooted in the only One who loves you more than anyone else. You are precious and worthy and your heart and body are beyond beautiful.
Don’t sell yourself for less.