Back when I was 15 years old I remember living in my grandma’s house, and the phone would ring around 7 pm and she would yell: “Vanessa, it’s for you”; I would run down stairs and pick up the phone in the living room so no one would hear my conversation with that boy who was calling me. It was nice to be courted. Back then if a boy was calling you that meant he was very into you and had motives to date you; at least where I come from.
Now communication has switch to a simple text. I have even become one of those persons who do not want to go through the “effort” of calling someone. The intimacy factor of a voice call has been overtaken by a written message, and now it is not about the sound of the phone ringing that gets our hearts excited, but it has become the notification of a text that now gets our blood rushing.
Women, we love attention, there is no science about that. We love to be courted and we love to know that someone is thinking of us the same way we are thinking of him. When we are single we are in an expectancy mode waiting to see who is that amazing man that will sweep us off our feet. But the question is: “how far would we allow the desire for attention to take over our hearts?”
I wanted to discuss this topic because even as of now in my journey as a single woman, although I have been through a beautiful healing and restoration period in my life, I do still sometimes feel the desire to have a man texting me and telling me he is thinking of me. This is a beautiful desire in our hearts and I want to confirm that this is natural and it is healthy to want someone in your life, but the problem comes when we as women start seeking the wrong men to fulfill this desire and start texting men who are not interested in courting us as the queens that we are.
A couple of years ago I confess to you that I could not go more than two days without texting with a guy. I would meet men online or at the clubs, exchange numbers and text on ongoing basis to different men. It was my desire to feel someone’s attention that would drive me to seek that attention on any one. I would follow their topics of conversations even if they would get perverted or nasty. I would play along simply to keep on texting with them. And yes, I would even do the “sexting”, sending pictures that I would later regret having sent.
When I moved to NY, I remember I kept on texting with my usual suspects, my text buddies, to ensure I didn’t feel alone in the city. Sometimes I would even go into a deep thought trying to think of who, from all the men I knew, could be a good choice to go back to and have a text conversation. The funny thing is that all those men were not in a relationship with me because they were not interested in being in a committed relationship with me; therefore, I was also their “buddy” and nothing more than that. After a couple of months, I started going to church and I started feelinga unique kind of attention; so strong and powerful that I got hooked on it; it was God who took me by my heart and let me know that not only I had all His attention 24/7, but that He also loved me. Sometimes my old self would still try to text those guys from Florida, but interestingly enough one by one, they stopped responding to me.
So then it began a journey of rehabilitation where I realized that texting had become something like a drug to me and especially on Friday nights and weekends the anxiety would be at its peak. As time went by, I started to feel freedom; I had started to be O.K with having no man texting me; I was starting to feel the presence of God and I even started to have conversations with Him; I had finally stopped feeling alone.
I often think of some women I have known whom after they would break up with a boyfriend, in a blink of an eye they will be with another man. I believe this behavior is all connected to our desire to have someone pouring attention and love in our hearts. I have come to understand that no one does it better than God. When we come to realize that in our relationship with Him we get filled and comforted, we would stop seeking attention from men who are simply not interested in being with us. This is about a realization that it is ok to be single and it is ok to be alone because the truth is that you are never alone; God is with you.
I always say this message may be for you or for someone you may know, but the truth is that there is power in releasing testimonies and experiences from which we have learned and have overcome. I encourage you to always know you are worthy and valuable. If you are single, you need to know that God loves you and that there is a wonderful man for you, but it is time to start seeing yourself as the precious woman that you are and stop seeking attention from men that won’t correspond you back.
We often hear women around us say that gentlemen are scarce, but if you notice, it is also due to the fact that we became easier to please. We stopped demanding men to be gentlemen, and we actually lower our standards of courting to the point that we became the ones chasing after men. Ladies! Let’s bring dating back to a healthy place where women are valued and men are gentlemen.
Please share with your girls; you never know who is in need to be encouraged! J