Love... more than just a word

Posted by Vanessa Chavez on

Throughout time, we have witness that moment when a man tells a woman he loves her, historically taking that step to make things "real" between them. Portrayed in the movies and TV, we observe the woman holding back from saying these words and patiently (NOT! lol) waiting for that romantic moment when he finally reaches deep into his heart and realizes how valuable she is for him. With a passionate seal over the relationship, he equips himself with courage and says the magical words: "I love you"


Aw... that moment! He finally said it; I can trust him now.


Lately, I have been thinking about the power of the word love (between a man and a woman). I truly believe the word is not only meant to be said, but it should also be demonstrated. It goes beyond a spoken declaration, and it should definitely be accompanied by a bundle of affection and actions.


The meaning of "I love you" is not a green light to start having sex, or simply a victorious moment we can share with our besties. It is a statement that should empower trust, safety, honestly and loyalty between a man and a woman. It is that moment when you can look at that man, and your eyes link together knowing that your hearts are also connected. Picture that moment when the male swan and the female swan come close and their long necks embrace each other.


But why is it that nowadays, these words have become so common and yet on the other hand, so difficult to hear.


In one side of the coin we have those men who know the power of this word, and the impact that it has in women's hearts. They use the word to get in, as if it was a key, but quickly get out once they have obtained what they were looking for. These men, unfortunately, are very clever with their words. I used to refer to them as “the men who knew the bible of words”. They usually know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it, but they don't mean any of them one bit. They most likely grew up watching another man in their lives, probably a close relative, behaving the same way and treating women as sex tools. They can be gentlemen and respectful, but they know what they're hunting for and won't be satisfied till they get it.


On the other side of the coin, we have the men that very clearly will let you know they feel uncomfortable saying these words and even more, hearing them. You could do whatever and even try to romance them, but all you will get is probably a small smile, nothing more. Even if you believe that giving them your precious body will break the wall that is not going to melt their hearts. To tell you the truth, most likely many before you have tried the same technique, and failed miserably. By now, they are also well aware that they can get it all without having the need to declare their love with words or even actions. From my past experience with these men, they usually have suffered the experience of a broken heart most likely from their youth’s crush; that woman to whom they once declared their love and they gave themselves body and soul, but that she definitely had more important priorities than caring back for him. Their trust and hearts were broken, and they covered themselves with a wall of "I don't believe in love anymore and I will not lose my time ever again". Funny thing though is that they are the kind of men that if anything happens during the relationship, they will surely make you feel that it is nothing but your fault... unfortunately, it is all rooted in their insecurities.


Are we doomed? No!!!


There are still many good men out there, and beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know in my heart that you deserve and amazing gentleman. Nevertheless, it is important to know whom we are dating and to discern their intentions, as well as to spiritually understand their hearts. It is important that the words "I love you" are declared and demonstrated. This does not mean that you are being picky, spoiled or demanding! Unfortunately, this is what society has been telling and calling women in order to lower our standards, but the truth is that the beauty and delicacy of who you are cannot be taken for granted.


I dated a good amount of men back in the day, men whom I tried to please emotionally and physically, but that I always ended up empty handed and with an even more shattered heart. Many times I blamed myself and even worse, was blamed by them accusing me “you are too needy” or “you are too emotional”, but the truth at the end of the day is that insecurities and emotional traumas create an unhealthy environment and disastrous relationships.

Here are some tips:

  • Check your heart and the heart of that man.
  • Value your body and your soul
  • Observe how he behaves with friends and family.
  • Check the people he associates with, as the saying goes "tell me who you hang around with and I will tell you who you are" usually is spot on (Spanish saying translated)
  • Your body is a temple not a currency to get someone to fall in love with you. Tough? Maybe, but true. "Maybe if we have sex he will fall for me"... NOT.
  • Bless those men that have no good intentions and pray for them, as they also go in life feeling shame and disappointment.


Finally, I will like to end this by sharing that there is a bigger power that we hold in our life and it is called "self-love". When we love ourselves this is reflected in our lives and in our actions, and this will help us see more clearly the truth about the intentions of a man. Heck! It even will attract men not boys; men that have the courage and the maturity to deal with a real, secure, and amazing woman like you.



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