Posted by Vanessa Chavez on

The attitude a lady needs when pressured to sleep with her first date.


For the past couple of months, while trying once again to meet someone online, I have come across an interesting trend: I never heard back from the guy after the first date!


I never heard back from the guy after the first date!


When it happened the first time, I was bummed because the date went so well and the guy was simply dreamy. We seemed to hit it off and had many things in common.

The second time, the same happened. And then a third time… and I said to myself…ok, what is truly happening?


What is truly happening?


I noticed that with the three guys, by the end of the night, I refused to have sex with them. Were they handsome? Yes, they were. Could I have done it? Yes, of course. Did I want to? I mean…. Sex is great don’t get me wrong, but the thing is that I don’t want sex. I want intimacy. And I refuse to have sex just because I want to satisfy a man so I feel there is a better chance of dating. (this is totally not the case btw)


I noticed another downfall, and on this one I take the fault. I let the date go to an intimate place, which I now know is an indirect indication of the “green light” for men that we ladies want sex.


I will take the date with the first guy for this story. He was so handsome, Italian and I was just feeling I had met the love of my life. Ha! We met at a bar and then decided to go to his place because he had some good wine there, and the place was super close by. He was super charming. Never before I had such a romantic date. We danced a bit to a song I love “Besame Mucho” which you can only imagine how romantic that moment was. We had great conversations and honestly, he wasn’t pushing anything. The moments he made insinuations of going to the bed, I said no, I’m fine thanks.


He was a gentleman; he even offered to pay for my Uber back home which is something no one had ever done for me. I remember telling the driver that I had finally found the one! Ha-ha. I got home, texted him thanks for the ride and that I had a lovely time. Never heard back from him.


He even offered to pay for my Uber back home


If you tell this story to some of your friends, they may say: what? Why didn’t you have sex? He was so handsome! Live the moment!

Other friends may tell you: good! Not worth it. He didn’t even contact you after that.


Good! Not worth it.


The only thing I know for sure is that I didn’t want to give myself to someone I had just met. Even if he was super good looking to the point I kept shaking my head in unbelief. LOL, but, that is not ALL!


Can you imagine how I would have felt if we had sex and then he didn’t contact me again? I know how it feels actually. It feels like a punch in the stomach. And it takes days to go away. And I feel horrible.


It feels like a punch in the stomach


I am 34 years old now. I had plenty of sex with guys before and for most of them I was the fun plan for that night. I thought I was having fun too, but the after feeling was not worth it. I recall one of the guys even said to me: why would you do this to yourself? meaning, why was I denying myself the satisfaction of "just doing it". 


I know what I want. And even if it is hard sometimes to say no, I prefer to say NO! even when I know that guy won’t contact me again. I can see their face turn around completely. One of the guys even said to me: "I just wasted my time" ha-ha! wow! wow! 


The truth is that if a guy is basing his decision to contact you again on you having sex with him right away…. Then you really need to re-think what his real intentions are.


 I know what I want!


Sadly, there is always another woman out there who will give it to them very easily, and this is why they go for sex right away. But I know what I want. I want intimacy. I want to give myself to someone I know, and that when we decide to do it, we will have a deeper connection.


Sadly, there is always another woman out there


Lessons learned. Many, but I have to make sure I do not make the wrong decisions or indications/insinuations of the "green light" when I am on a date.  


I careless if I have to say sorry…NOT SORRY to all of these guys to get to the one that will value me and see me as more than just a fun night. I am not here to please all men, i am here to find the right one.


Any experiences in your dating life that you want to share?  :) 

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